I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
