it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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