I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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