Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
