I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
