we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
