forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize