If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
