I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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