ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
