Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
