Where are you?
In a non slutty way
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
