those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
