Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
