I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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