hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
