The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
