I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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