I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
