And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
