i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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