I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
