ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Two words: nipple clamps
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