You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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