There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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