Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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