she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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