I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
