i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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