Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
