Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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