I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
