11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
