I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
