I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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