It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
