Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
