she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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