Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
