just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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