im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
