My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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