i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
