I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
