I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
