the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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