I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
