it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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