why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of course I have a pirate flag
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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