I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
