my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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