dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
