Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
