nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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