Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
