He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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