I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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