I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
