Someone shit on the floor
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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