so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
