Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
