Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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