You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
