I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
