stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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