I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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