This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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