Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
