There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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