Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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