my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
