You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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