Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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