i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
