Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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