you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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