Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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