I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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