Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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