I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
