He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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