Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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