Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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