...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
