Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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