I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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