i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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